Feeling so down

2 of my other 3 group members didn't show up for class today. We all agreed we would have our first real group meeting after class today. This pissed me off. I then got my midterm back which I spent a ton of time writing and got an F. I have never earned an F on a single college paper I have written. So now I'm in a super bad mood. I can write another paper and then submit it for a top grade of a B. I guess thats cool of him. I'm so frustrated with school, driving to school, doing tons of homework, etc. I'm wondering if I'm even meant to go to college. This semester is really pissing me off and taking beyond full classes in Summer, Fall, and next Spring don't have me excited to say the least.

I watched the whole third season of Entourage today. The show will suck without Ari. I really have nothing else to say about it. Everyones favorite is Ari. In my opinion the show is nothing without Ari. Johnny Drama is great but Ari makes the fucking show. I'm pissed about this.

I'm so pissed I fear even logging on to play poker. I fear tilting which is a fucking major issue for me. Times like these make me pissed when players like durrrr can earn $1,000,000 in a day. This is no lie. Just google Tom Dwan or check out any high stakes report online. What 100% of people I know can't seem to understand that poker is for real. Kids are dropping out of college at unreal levels because they can make more than a fucking lawyer. At the very least they can earn more playing poker than they will in their first 5 years with a 4 year degree. NOT EVERYONE CAN BUT WITH SKILL ONE CAN. I just want my chance to blow up huge. Don't mistake this for me being a small time winner or a losing player. I want to be the one featured in Card Player, Bluff, Poker Life, and any other fucking poker magazine that is on shelves. I want to move into the L.A. condo with the nice shit surrounded by countless models and walking the red carpet at these fucking parties. Yes, poker players go to some awesome parties in Vegas and L.A. I want to meet Shannon Elizabeth (big time poker player, fyi), I want to shoot off 100k playing Craps, I want the fucking Porsche, I want it all. I have busted my ass for 3 years in this game. I often sacrifice sleep, sex, social life and a slew of other bullshit to play. 95% of the people that get recognition are tournament players. If Jamie Gold (winner of 2006 main event for 12 million) would play me heads up I have no doubt I could collect 500k from poker friends to play him because these people view him as a lucky idiot that can't play cash games. Some tournament players are good, don't get me wrong.

It burns my ass when people laugh at what I do, think it's all fucking luck or think I'm a loser because of this. Sit down and play me at my stakes (it's all luck anyways right). Playing at my stakes should not be a problem since it's all luck and everything will even out in the long run. The next girl I date will like poker and at least encourage me to play. I will not make drastic changes to other important things in a chick due to this. Maybe I should just move to Vegas date a complete poker hottie like Jean Gluck, Liz Lieu, Vanessa Russo, or God willing Shannon Elizabeth (she divorced that fat slob she was married to).

I'm not meant to clear off tables, sit behind a desk, or perform heart surgery. I love action. If you think you know me then you know I love action in my life. I love risk. What would be wilder than moving to Vegas, gambling in order to survive, maybe meet a hot gambling chick that gets turned on by action as much as I do. That is Paradise for me ladies and gentlemen. I would rather die than hump some horse shit job when I'm older busting my ass for nothing. I admire these people so much. In all seriousness I really do. These people are actually heros because I could never find the courage to wake up everyday. To clear things up I don't need to gamble on shit. I gamble when I have an edge. By a girl being turned on by action and risk: I simply mean a girl that is not uptight and willing to take a risk. I seem to always find these super uptight girls that never just go with the flow. I say a poker chick because I know they take risk.

I'll never forget the first thing that happened when I though about playing poker for money online. I was at my friend Matts house (he mentored me and I consider him a very close personal friend that I could trust anything if my life depended on it, I only have a few people I consider this close) after I told him I want him to show me whats up he 1. yanked out my wallet. 2. Took out $76 (everything in my wallet) 3. Took his lighter and burned it. 4. I will remember him saying this forever "You can't give a fuck about money. Money means nothing to me." These were the best words of wisdom I could give to anyone that wants to play poker and be successful at it. So before you sign up to play online take whatever is in your wallet and burn it. I'm not saying you will be great but you will disregard money which is the key to success.