A day from hell

Well I managed to basically skin half my arm while attempting to climb a tree that needs to be cut down in my backyard. I then am driving down I94 (just merged) when this woman (that is probably very successful at age 40) driving a Saturn Ion decides to not let me over, then shake her hands in some weird gesture I have never seen, slams on the brakes, and violently starts changing lanes 3 at a time and then back to where she was in what I can only assume was either an attempt to block me on the freeway or she was having an Epileptic Seizure. I had blood drawn last week for my Acutane so I had my appointment at 3pm today. I was very excited because I 1. haven't drank a drop of alcohol in months 2. have been working out and getting healthy 3. have been eating fairly decent. One would assume my liver enzymes would remain low, instead they increased by 200 and are now twice as high as they were at my heaviest drinking point. ???????????? I mean what the fuck. My dermatologist thinks it's the mixture of Acutane and working out. I have been working out usually 5 days a week, intense cardio for 25minutes then lifting, switching between back, legs, chest and arms.

He wrote me a prescription to continue on Acutane for another month. If my liver enzymes don't return down then he has to take me off of it (more than a fair deal). The bad part is I can't go to the gym anymore. He said I could do up to a fast walk on a treadmill. He described that I should be doing "casual exercising". He explicitly told me no weight lifting of any kind and no sit ups. To be honest I don't even want to do any walking because I'm scared my liver enzymes will increase. What if I worked construction, in a factory, or any other form of strenuous activity. I'm very bummed because I thought I was doing myself some good. I know prior to starting Acutane my hard workouts allowed me to start Acutane. From what he says Acutane is a very prissy drug. Certain things just make it go wild on the liver with some people.

As usual the nurse came in to do what is called "Acne Surgery". Basically they use a tool to pop certain zits that have a head on them and then push very hard to squeeze the dirt (whatever is inside, the white shit) out. For larger more inflamed areas they use a Cortisone injection. Now I have never been afraid of needles, scared to get blood drawn, etc. but they basically are sticking a needle into your face multiple times, in very sore areas to start with, that are located around the nose, lips, chin, etc. I counted the total shots today, 47 was the total. I honestly could have cried it hurt so much. Try getting a needle stuck within a millimeter of your lip about 8 times in 30 seconds. It was unbearable pair. Just sit and think about where a mans bread would grow and picture a needle entering the skin 47 times in inflamed areas. If you have never had bad acne then you can only try to relate. It's an embarrassing, painful, and demeaning disease. I'm sick of having it. From age 16 to present age 23 I have had bad acne. Some may say it's not bad but it isn't on their face, it's on mine and I have to be the one to walk around with it. I don't like it one bit. It makes certain things hard for me. At one time in my younger days I found it super embarrassing and was nervous around meeting new people, being around hot girls, etc. I have tried so many cremes and pills and now Acutane, the strongest of the healing medicine. I just pray I can continue for what my Dermatologist says would be a 5 month treatment, ending December 31, 2007. If for some reason my body just wasn't meant to handle Acutane I will pay whatever I can to get the best facial treatment my money can buy that isn't covered by insurance.

No working out basically means I can't even perform something as simple as cutting the lawn (more than 20 minutes of walking and sweating) to help my Dad out. The look of relief on his face after working 8 hours out in the heat is enough thanks. I can't even begin to imagine what working on those cold days (the ones where you let your car run for 20 minutes before you leave) and quick run as fast and safely as you can from the house to the car to avoid the cold are like.

I could give a flying fuck about the $120 I spent signing up for my gym membership. I was really getting into going everyday and looked forward to it as something to do and something to progress my body into the shape I want it. From June 25th to August 25th I lost 18lbs. I started at 203 and now weigh 185. I notice significant muscle growth in my arms, I notice my chest becoming tight, and my stomach slowly developing and losing a gut. I will of course try to eat decent to remain on Acutane but I'm fucking beyond pissed that I can't workout. I had planned on looking pretty damn good in January of 2008, instead I will just be getting back into lifting and that. I of course am not going to start eating bad but my improvements in my body will halt for several months which is depressing, no more fat will get burned, no more muscle to be built.

To cap off my bad day our central air ran out of Freon so went until 9pm with no air in the house. Thankfully the company came out and refilled it with Freon. We all like the house cold. We never open the doors or windows in the Summer. The heat is especially hard on Max who loves to lay by the air vents. Max also eats roughly 20 ice cubes a day, we call them cookies. When he comes in from outside we give him an ice cube rather than an actual cookie. He has lost 15lbs by eating frozen water and he seems to love it. For those wondering you put it in his open mouth like a cookie, he lays down, bites down on it, cracks it in half, eats half by biting really hard and crushing it, repeats with the other half, Ice Cookie is gone in under 30 seconds.

I'm just so depressed about today. Frustration leads to one getting mad and eventually being so mad one becomes depressed which I would have to say I'm currently feeling. My jaw must have hit the floor when he said how high my liver enzymes were. Here I am not drinking, eating good, and exercising hard, and now because I have been exerting myself physically I have not been doing anything good to remain on Acutane.