Brain Activity

Reading is great for the brain. It makes ones own mind think in ways that are different than it normally thinks. I have been reading a book called The Game by Neil Strauss. The book details his adventures from a AFC (average frustrated chump) to becoming the best PUA (pickup artist) in the underground secret society. The book is a tell all of his exploits into this wild world, the book is very very vivid when describing sexual encounters, depression, The Game. Neil Strauss choose the identity and called himself "Style". He mentions countless sexual encounters with girls from business women to blowjobs in bathroom stalls with Pornstars and everything inbetween.

I heard about this book from a online poker player that said it was fantastic and a must read. I ordered the book on Amazon that night and read about 75 pages upon its arrival. I put my reading on hold to enjoy 5 nights of the wildest sex I have ever had in my short 23 breathing years on Earth. Once that relationship ended within a few months I quickly moved on (or should I say back) to girls I have fooled around with before (Cindy- The falling down 30 year old blonde I met outside Wiseguys and fucked within 15 minutes of meeting her) (Lisa- A girl I met in a class at MCC and briefly dated until she cheated and then I fucked her best friend) (Jamie- a girl that I sexed very quickly despite her getting out of a long term relationship, she was an extra bonus to a winning Prop Bet.) So I felt no urge to read the book as interacting socially was never really a problem for me. I wouldn't be too excited to speak to a large audience of say 300 but I don't get nervous before class presentations and generally have no problems approaching a complete stranger.

A few friends of mine actually got to shoot the shit with Neil Strauss last Summer in Las Vegas. He was there promoting his book and they were there to play the WSOP tournaments. They spent about 15 minutes talking to him. I looked at one of the pictures they sent me with Neil and themselves in I believe The Rio in Las Vegas and decided to begin reading and absorbing every bit on knowledge I could from his genius.

This book has made me realize some things that I'm doing wrong in my life and I would venture to say not a single person I know has perfect game although I can think of one that is miles above the rest. When carrying on a conversation with him the way he looks at you is scary. I don't want to mention his name but he is very very good at getting girls. Even kids I know that workout daily and eat perfect don't land the numbers these guys do.

My readings in two days have left we with a few thoughts. The first and most important is that I'm afraid of success. This may sound like bragging but I don't intend it to be but rather explaining how I understand that I'm really afraid of success which is my only true passion in life. I aced two years of Med School and quit, I then decided I would earn a degree in Philosophy and then attend Law School, I'm currently a business major with 1 year left and am scared to graduate College. Of course I could still go on to Law School or earn a Masters in Finance or whatever. I have been searching for ways to avoid the success that is graduating from college with honors. I have turned to Poker as a way to avoid College and embark on a nontraditional way of earing income. Lately I seem to be getting sick of Poker because I have excelled in some of the highest limit holdem games spread online. I have played heads up marathon sessions and won and lost large sums. I'm no master of Poker, even the most respected players in the world have not mastered the game simply because everyday one makes mistakes. I have seen aching for some new idea to takeover and achieve success and I found Poker. I think I'm honestly my toughest opponent to play against. I always say I want to be the guy featured in Poker magazines about "up and coming players" and live in L.A. and enjoy the financial freedom and money and blah blah. At the same time what efforts am I really taking towards achieving this goal? I rarely review hands to see where I made errors or how to improve how I played the hand, I never posted a hand for comments, reviews, discussion about how I played it on a poker forum. I allow my emotions to control my mind and "tilt" (lose money while mad and playing wild) to take me further away from what I say is my goal "success". Do you see what I'm explaining? Every time I get close to something that is "success" I search for another way to spend my time to push myself further away from experiencing the success I dream and hope for. (wow that was one long paragraph)

I dream of what every person seems to want: to live a nice life, not worry about money, have nice things. Whenever I reach a certain point of achieving the success I want I focus my energy elsewhere and avoid it. I hope this comes off as a intelligent 4am blog post and I don't wake up to countless IM's asking me how much Acid I took Friday night lol.

Poker is my passion and I'm going to really focus my energy to improving my game. I will also attempt to find a balance between poker and school. To end this because I want to go to bed; I'm 100% sober, no drugs, no booze, no nothing. I'm not coming down off a crack binge or tripping balls on acid. I realized my fear in life while reading a book about how to girls to spread their legs and my fear is unrelated to Vagina. Respect.