My piss in a bottle during a marathon heads up session about a week ago.
I take my Math final in about 1.5 hours and then I have a little less than a month off before school starts in the fall. I have been approved for Acutane after months of attempting dieting and sobriety to get my liver in shape. CVS gave me some problems trying to fill it and it needs to be authorized by my Insurance Company first and my Dermatologist needs to call them. Hopefully everything gets handled and I can begin it today. I went to bed at 11pm, woke up at 2, kinda fell asleep and got up at 4am. I went roller blading at the beach around 7am.

I need a haircut really bad so I might get that done today except I need to allow time for triple bookings which seem to happen 50% of the time. I also need to get my oil changed either today or tomorrow so I might just get that done today as well. I dropped one of my bitches on Sunday. Sometimes you just need to. Planning on playing many hours of poker during my school break.

NOT killing it

Since my last post I have dumped thousands back; sick beats, coolers, probably some bad play. I'm on the worst downswing. I feel like vomiting when I see people run bad but then I look at my stats and want to vomit. I can't win a coin flip to save my life. I stopped playing heads up and moved back to 6max simply because I can't afford the swings of heads up right now. It's just so sick how many coolers I have taken lately. 7d8d on a 10d9d3h all in vs. AdAs of course I don't hit a diamond,6,or J. Nothing like having a massive draw and not hitting. I could continue to complain but what fun is that for anyone? As a final note I will say: I have no idea what (if anything) I have been doing incorrect.

Killing it

I murdered the heads up games again today. I went down 3 buy ins (1800) to start then ended up winning it all back +5.5 buy ins (1500). I'm running at 14.4ptbb/hr or $172.80/hr. I have had some 8 buy in swings so I don't think it's just running good.
0-3 ptbb/hr= marginal winner
4-7ptbb/hr= good winning player
7-10ptbb/hr= one of the best at that level
Davey J runs at 14.4ptbb/hr so I guess you can just say I'm simply the best. Through 9,000 hands I'm running beyond awesome.

I want to start playing 5/10 and 10/20nl but due to previous bad decisions in those games I want a proper bankroll (more than I care to make public).

A lot of douches I have been playing seem to think I'm horrible (must be angry people and failures at life). Today I was playing a person that was the most aggressive I have ever seen. I adapted my strategy (no real set way to play heads up except to do the opposite of your opponent). I made a sick sick call for like $500 more on the flop with J8 on a 893 board and busted him. He put me all in on another hand preflop (I called with 88 because I figured I was 3-1 to win) he had A3 and hit an A on the turn and river (nice hand sir). I busted him pretty bad and I think maybe busted his account (won all the money he had in his account).

I have been wanting to buy a new watch for a few months now. I broke my old watch (only about $250) on Super Bowl Sunday. I don't want some cheap watch but rather a particular Breitling that costs $5,000. I'm not going to buy it but I do love it. When the time comes I would like to put 50% down on my first house or condo or whatever. The only reason I'm not in an apartment is noisy neighbors, cooking and cleaning, and being lonely. It's enjoyable for me to spend time with my parents and Max. If I moved out (even though I would still visit often) I think Max would be so sad. We spend so much time together and I love him so I wouldn't want to be away from him and I know he would feel confused and lonesome without me around. Max is my dog for the uninformed. I don't ever really clean anything around the house. I sometimes cut the grass for my Dad but he's anal about it and usually does it before I even think it needs to be cut. I don't do my laundry, dust, vacuum, dishes. The most I do is put my clothes away and dust my room. Since I work from my computer at home I would be spending most of my day by myself in an apartment, I would find this depressing before long. I also have a schedule opposite of most so noise would be an issue in an apartment, I don't like the idea of parking my car in a parking lot,

I have considered moving out of state and living in a poker house. Basically like 5 people move into a really sweet house, like a 400k house around this area. The downside would be wondering how people would handle downswings (I personally prefer to be left alone, I don't even really care to talk to people, even close friends, and generally feel depressed). The major benefit would be learning from others in the house at poker. I say learn because everyone plays different and one could gain an understanding on other styles, games, etc. Again, I don't want to leave Max so this is out. These people could be raging animals despite acting normal in posts online.

I wouldn't want to move in with some girl I was dating for my first moving out experience. If she wanted to sleep over a few nights a week that would be fine and kill some of the bordem of being by myself. But why just date one girl? The majority of people I know seem unhappy. I'm generally happy because I get new pussy every couple weeks and still fuck old pussy. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.

I almost shit myself last night, took a massive, foul, wretched shit last night. I got home at 2:30am and proceeded to shit and vomit until about 7am. I feel asleep about 8am and missed my Math quiz today (not a super big deal but still sucks to lose the points). I'm blaming either Nathans Hot Dogs or Vitamin water. It was like food poisoning or something. I threw up like every half hour. My stomach is still sore (the muscles) from vomiting for hours. After my massive shit at the bowling alley I felt better, then after an hour felt like death. I should have walked down a lane and took my massive dump their. Imagine telling a friend, co-worker, bf, gf, etc. that some kid took a shit in a lane at the bowling alley.

A long no limit heads up session

I played a stunning 3,000 hands (all heads up) today. I dominated my opponents and had a nice win. The swings are sick. I plan to play more heads up and take a break from 6max. I'm starting to find 6max boring because I love action and heads up forces a person to play a lot more hands. I feel I only made 2 big mistakes which is OK for being still fairly new to heads up. Although I couldn't believe what this idiot called with preflop after I 4bet (Jh 7h). I jammed with AdKh on a Jd Qs 3h board. It was my only play really, well I could fold and let him think he can push me around.

My liver ultrasound came out good, nothing bad showed up. I guess blood work tells more than an ultrasound though. The ultrasound will catch a problem when it has already been around for a while, so if something is wrong it's not too late to fix it. I was looking forward to doing nothing but fucking this skank on Friday but of course I have a dermatologist appointment I forgot about, and this bitch is doing her friends hair.

With the poor economics in Detroit African Americans are migrating into the burbs. Just yesterday I went tanning and the girl working seemed semi cute but also seemed dirty (kinda like the slutty girls myself) so I inquire to my friend that also works at this place. Of course this girl has enjoyed black penis and dated this weird nigger who seems to only fuck white bitches. I did bang this stripper he knew on a very drunk and drug filled night so I can't really hate on the kid. I need to find me a black girl and just show up with Raketish out of the blue. That stripper (off duty) that I fucked had the most bruised legs I have ever seen. I guess thats normal from the pole (the one on stage).

waking up early

I woke up at 4:30am and have been up ever since. I have to get a liver ultrasound done and then go downtown to handle some stuff, I then will find myself in the roughest shape doing the most difficult Calculus work of the course. I only have 2 assignments left, sadly there due Thursday by 4pm.

For some odd reason I just received the wedding photos from my friends wedding that was over a year ago (June 06). The weather was perfect, I delivered a fantastic best mans speech (so I was told by family members of both parties). I didn't drink a drop of alcohol until after my speech was done (smart idea). It was the largest audience consisting of about 300 people. The key to a good speech is #1. don't be like that guy from wedding crashers talking about getting nursed through multiple cocaine relapses. #2. Mention something embarrassing but yet appropriate. Stories of banging hookers in Tijuana shouldn't be mentioned. Although one must add something from the heart. One year later the divorce is final, lol. I enjoyed browsing through the hundreds of pictures. Blogger isn't letting me upload them for some reason (happens quite often). I had probably the best sex of my life that night (on some random 55ft boat at The Grosse Pointe Yacht Club with my date Lisa).

It's odd to see the fallout of two people that appeared to be madly in love. I personally can't see myself married at 25. Watching 18 year old kids get married on that MTV show should be enough to make even the dumbest of people think about the actions they want to take. Perhaps I'm just not the type of person to get married. I'm in new hurry to get married or anything but I just wonder if I will ever be able to trust and actually love a female enough to spend the rest of my life with her. These 18 year old kids on that MTV show have probably felt the inside of 3 vagina's yet they found one with a comfortable fit and are ready to stop the search. I remember something my Law Professor (Robert Hechler) said in class one day ; I love the month of June because people are getting married, that means business will be booming in the fall. I guess most people get divorced in the fall from what he says. I need to hit the road and get to my doctor appointment.

Sometimes I just don't let my guard down

So I'm talking to this bitch I want to fuck today. She drops some bomb about how she wants to study criminal justice. I state how I don't date girls that are studying that or have a close family member that is in the law enforcement field (my God given right not to). She then goes on to state how she wants to be a probation officer. In my eyes probation officers don't help people; they add expensive costs to a middle class minor offender of a law. A kid gets caught with a 20sack of some pot and then needs to enter a chemical dependency class (extracting more money from a kid) who is just being a normal teenager but got pinched. I personally don't see how someone could aspire to make horse shit money and "think they are helping the troubled youth". Needless to say she started to cry (I don't make bitches cry that often). I guess I always pictured myself with someone that aspired to be more successful in life (a lawyer, doctor, high ranking businesswoman). I really don't care what a girl I'm dating decides to do with her life except something idiotic like this. I would never not date a girl because she was a waitress for example. Lawyers, Dr's, investment people, teachers, nurses, pharmacists, dentists, agents, bank tellers, strippers, plumbers, electricians, roofers, etc. ALL help people with a problem. I don't see how a probation officer can really help a person. A person has a sore throat, a Dr. writes a Prescription and in a few days you feel better. You have a whole in your roof and water is dripping in, a roofer fixes the whole and water stops entering your home.

She then made a comment about Poker; "Good luck with your little poker thing" Well this is quite insulting to call it "little" and "thing" Gay people can come out of the closet, black men can date white women, tattoos and piercings are becoming standard and not taboo, Mexicans can enter the U.S. at record numbers, medicine has advanced beyond wildest dreams, a midget, donkey, trans sexual and a horse can enjoy casual sex, a white lacrosse team can be targeted by black leaders in the U.S. after a lying stripper faked a rape, John Travolta can cry openly on Oprah (twice now) but yet I have to keep my guard up and defend what I do. My views on public education are so much lower after explaining hundreds of times what I do, why, and that one can have a mathematical edge by playing a certain style of poker. I'm so fucking tilted and so upset (not only this girl) but so many people lack the common sense to understand that I do work. I work a non traditional job; I will admit that.

People always say don't date someone just like you; why? To find a Pro Poker Player that is female would be a dream. She would share many similar views that are necessary for any relationship to survive. Views on Politics and shit like that are not crucial for a relationship. I'm tired and upset. Blog update over.

A quick update before bed

I had my blood taken yet again, this time by my family doctor who is very worried about high liver enzymes and my cholesterol. She also wants me to get an ultrasound done on my liver. I had one of these when I was 16 and they thought it was from drinking. Add 7 years of hard drinking and substance abuse and living a party lifestyle and your guess is as good as mine about the shape of my liver. I'm going to refrain from any and all alcohol because its clear there is something not right with my body. In my own uneducated opinion (despite 2 years of med. school) feel my liver is having trouble processing the alcohol. I think with a complete absence from drinking my liver enzymes and cholesterol will fall to normal levels (I hope). Kind of scary considering I'm only 23 years old and need a liver to survive. I guess you can say that I'm really taking this serious now. "Keep drinking and your liver will give out at an early age" is a quote my doc. used.

I finished reading The Game by Neil Strauss tonight. Good book and all that. Up about 5 buyins so far this week (Respect, in a Borat voice). Going to try to really rack up some hours in the upcoming weeks and months. It's simple Math really; play poker= make money. Sit on my ass and watch stupid movies on tv and do nothing = no profit (with potential for +lbs). Even the most uneducated Math reader of my blog should be able to understand this basic concept. It's just sick how much studying some do on their poker game and how little I work on mine. I need to start doing more of this to achieve my goal of playing really high stakes. I slept horrible last night and made myself get up at 11:30am to do some running around so off to bed I go in hopes of dreaming.

Brain Activity

Reading is great for the brain. It makes ones own mind think in ways that are different than it normally thinks. I have been reading a book called The Game by Neil Strauss. The book details his adventures from a AFC (average frustrated chump) to becoming the best PUA (pickup artist) in the underground secret society. The book is a tell all of his exploits into this wild world, the book is very very vivid when describing sexual encounters, depression, The Game. Neil Strauss choose the identity and called himself "Style". He mentions countless sexual encounters with girls from business women to blowjobs in bathroom stalls with Pornstars and everything inbetween.

I heard about this book from a online poker player that said it was fantastic and a must read. I ordered the book on Amazon that night and read about 75 pages upon its arrival. I put my reading on hold to enjoy 5 nights of the wildest sex I have ever had in my short 23 breathing years on Earth. Once that relationship ended within a few months I quickly moved on (or should I say back) to girls I have fooled around with before (Cindy- The falling down 30 year old blonde I met outside Wiseguys and fucked within 15 minutes of meeting her) (Lisa- A girl I met in a class at MCC and briefly dated until she cheated and then I fucked her best friend) (Jamie- a girl that I sexed very quickly despite her getting out of a long term relationship, she was an extra bonus to a winning Prop Bet.) So I felt no urge to read the book as interacting socially was never really a problem for me. I wouldn't be too excited to speak to a large audience of say 300 but I don't get nervous before class presentations and generally have no problems approaching a complete stranger.

A few friends of mine actually got to shoot the shit with Neil Strauss last Summer in Las Vegas. He was there promoting his book and they were there to play the WSOP tournaments. They spent about 15 minutes talking to him. I looked at one of the pictures they sent me with Neil and themselves in I believe The Rio in Las Vegas and decided to begin reading and absorbing every bit on knowledge I could from his genius.

This book has made me realize some things that I'm doing wrong in my life and I would venture to say not a single person I know has perfect game although I can think of one that is miles above the rest. When carrying on a conversation with him the way he looks at you is scary. I don't want to mention his name but he is very very good at getting girls. Even kids I know that workout daily and eat perfect don't land the numbers these guys do.

My readings in two days have left we with a few thoughts. The first and most important is that I'm afraid of success. This may sound like bragging but I don't intend it to be but rather explaining how I understand that I'm really afraid of success which is my only true passion in life. I aced two years of Med School and quit, I then decided I would earn a degree in Philosophy and then attend Law School, I'm currently a business major with 1 year left and am scared to graduate College. Of course I could still go on to Law School or earn a Masters in Finance or whatever. I have been searching for ways to avoid the success that is graduating from college with honors. I have turned to Poker as a way to avoid College and embark on a nontraditional way of earing income. Lately I seem to be getting sick of Poker because I have excelled in some of the highest limit holdem games spread online. I have played heads up marathon sessions and won and lost large sums. I'm no master of Poker, even the most respected players in the world have not mastered the game simply because everyday one makes mistakes. I have seen aching for some new idea to takeover and achieve success and I found Poker. I think I'm honestly my toughest opponent to play against. I always say I want to be the guy featured in Poker magazines about "up and coming players" and live in L.A. and enjoy the financial freedom and money and blah blah. At the same time what efforts am I really taking towards achieving this goal? I rarely review hands to see where I made errors or how to improve how I played the hand, I never posted a hand for comments, reviews, discussion about how I played it on a poker forum. I allow my emotions to control my mind and "tilt" (lose money while mad and playing wild) to take me further away from what I say is my goal "success". Do you see what I'm explaining? Every time I get close to something that is "success" I search for another way to spend my time to push myself further away from experiencing the success I dream and hope for. (wow that was one long paragraph)

I dream of what every person seems to want: to live a nice life, not worry about money, have nice things. Whenever I reach a certain point of achieving the success I want I focus my energy elsewhere and avoid it. I hope this comes off as a intelligent 4am blog post and I don't wake up to countless IM's asking me how much Acid I took Friday night lol.

Poker is my passion and I'm going to really focus my energy to improving my game. I will also attempt to find a balance between poker and school. To end this because I want to go to bed; I'm 100% sober, no drugs, no booze, no nothing. I'm not coming down off a crack binge or tripping balls on acid. I realized my fear in life while reading a book about how to girls to spread their legs and my fear is unrelated to Vagina. Respect.

July is here

So far I have played 4,200 hands and am running at 3.75ptbb/hr. I made a gigantic error today costing me a full buyin $400. It was a very very very dumb thing I did and I'm quite upset with myself over it. It was not out of anger I just was not thinking clear, ohh well shit happens. Although today was a losing day I made an OK comeback. I got bluffed out of a monster when I reraised the river with A8 on a 106582 board. He flashed 83 which pissed me off because I had him beat. He shoved, I folded, then he flashed. I guess I put a bad beat on this guy at some point because he then berated me in the chat. I asked him if he wanted to multi table heads up and he left the next hand, obv. too scared to play me. I then got put in a weird spot after raising KJ in the co and the bb called. Flop came AQ4d, turn was the 10d giving me the nuts. I bet the flop hard with nothing, bet the turn hard with the nuts, the river was the 3d, idiot checks, I bet my last $170 and he calls with 9d8d with a flush. I don't really understand his play. It was hard to put him with the ass end of the straight, and then very hard to put him on a flush. I shoved the river for value and think it was a good play with a bad outcome. Very odd plays as of late, people check raising the river with odd shit and all that. I played way too long today and noticed it affect my mood. I think I played OK but just ran into a ton of odd and bad spots with good hands. I'm just going to try to remain calm and play my A game and not let things get to me. I would like to run at 5ptbb/hr this month. 5ptbb/hr means you're a large winner in the games. 3.75ptbb/hr means your a good, winning player in the games.

Thank God June is over

June was another horrible month for me. Lack of play, running bad and making poor decisions have cost me money. Personally I made errors in judgment dating some girls that are crazy. Their actions can't be sane.

July Goals:
1. Play 35,000 hands minimum
2. Play better poker
3. Continue to exercise and eat decent
4. Continue to do well in Math (which is beyond difficult, very hard Math)
5. Be nice and find happiness in life

I decided to keep this post short because I want to get some hours in tonight. I slept until 5:45pm today although I had a horrible night of sleep. It's depressing to awake so late in the day, I don't enjoy like people think I do. Having a serious sleep problem really sucks.